Why I Fired My Secretary

This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy Birthday.” I thought… Well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids… They will remember.
My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn’t say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, “Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!” It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o’clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your Birthday, why don’t we go out for lunch, just you and me.” I said, “Thanks, Joanne, that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”
We went to lunch but not where we’d normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, “You know, It’s such a beautiful day… We don’t have to go right back to the office, do we?” I replied with “I suppose not. What do you have in mind?” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment, it’s just around the corner.”
After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, “Boss if you don’t mind, I’m goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I’ll be right back.” “Ok.” I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake…
Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.
And I just sat there…
On the couch… Naked.

5 Things to do Before you Die

Don’t live a life of regret, live a life of excitement. Whatever your age, there’s bound to be a long, old bucket list of things you want to tick off before the grim reaper comes knocking. These days it’s easier than ever to try your hand at something you thought you could never do, whether it’s the adrenalin rush of jumping from a plane, the thrill of getting behind the controls of a high speed machine or the excitement of doing something just downright dangerous, your dreams are within reach. Here’s some things to get you started:

Jump out of a plane

Safely, of course, with a parachute. Skydiving has plummeted (bad pun intended) in price in recent years meaning you don’t even have to hop on a charity fundraising bandwagon to afford it. You can raise money for a good cause at the same time of course, or you can just do it for the hell of it. After heading thousands of feet up in the air, the aeroplane doors open and you leap out, usually strapped to an instructor if it’s your first go, before freefalling at speeds of up to 120 mph in what is truly one of the most exhilarating experience days you can ever have.

Swim with sharks